This Sunday, I took Tessie Mayes to see Austin Ballet presents The Nutcracker.
We will be doing this every year. Me and my girl. I got her all dolled up the most precious Christmas dress, a big red bow in her hair, silver ballet flats and cream cabled tights.
It was a dream come true, my little angel girl all decked out in the spirit of Christmas.
A special day for us to remember and cherish.
She loved every second of it:
Thank GOD that during intermission they have a full bar and snacks for the kids. Because the entire first half she went on and on and on about being hungry and thirsty. Needless to say, about 20 minutes of me trying to enjoy the ballet (without being totally distracted by the tips of the male ballet dancer’s wieners, what the hell?!) Momma was ready for a glass of champagne.
After my nerves were calmed and TM’s belly full, the second half went swimmingly.
When the beautiful ballet was over, Tessie Mayes really wanted some photos taken with the Christmas statues outside. Since as of late, she usually has a real asshole look on her face, I was more than happy to oblige:
I’m sorry but she is pretty cute.
Ohhhhhhh, awwwwwwwwww, the ever elusive “mom” pic:
After the ballet, we went and had dinner and then home to bed. The ballet exhausted me.
Why you ask?
For real, y’all. White tights on grown men is not okay. You could totally see the ENTIRE outline of their wieners. The primary male dancer? You could clearly see the tip of his penis as plain as day. I tried my darnedest not to focus but shit it was hard.
SO, I plan on writing a letter to all of the ballet companies in North America kindly suggesting either 1) cups, 2) stick with black pants or 3) velvet pants.
I’m not sure if velvet would work but it seems a much thicker material that might eleviated the tip of the penis flailing in everyone’s face.
I am super curious how many little girls had A LOT of wienie questions for their moms after the show.
Anyhoo, that was our Sunday and it was super fun.
P.S. I am shocked this scanky bitch is still alive:
And whoever buys her Playboy deserves the worst case of herpies in the history of herpies.