This is gross skinny.  And I like skinny.  I want to lose enough weight that people start talking about me behind my back. 

But this bitch looks terrible. 

I also have a sneaking suspicion that she is just not nice.  Maybe borderline evil.

For real. 

She is now #1 on my hate list.

#1-Angelina Jolie

#2-Jennifer Love Hewitt

#3-Lea Michelle

#4-Reba

#5-Melissa Joan Hart

I’m sure I’m missing someone.

Let me know if I am.

I didn’t watch the Golden Globes.  But I have looked at all the pretty pictures and have come to the following conclusions.

I hate these two idiots.  A lot.  Hate:

She bugs the shit out of me too.  Always has:

I’m sorry, but Kim Richards DOES NOT need to be out in public just yet, much less a party that has an unlimited amount of booze and I’m betting an unlimited supply of pills and powder.  Seriously:

I like the hair:

One of these gals is a lesbian:

Idiot:

Seriously, her cast mates must want to kick her in the face?  This bitch is about to go on my “hate” list:

Precious.  And was fabulousin “The Descendants”:

Not the best look for me:

This guy should of been crowned “KING OF THE WORLD FOREVER!”:

And that is what I thought about that.

I take Zumba and I am obsessed!!  Seriously the BEST AND MOSTEST FUN WORK OUT EVER!  Burns 800 to 1000 calories an hour. 

Coco does NOT sweat, yet, I come out of hip-hop looking like I just

I’ve got a little rythem so I thought, “why not?” when our Zumba teacher started an “adult” hip hop class.

Last night was my first class.

Let’s just say, I am going to ask her to change the name of the class to “Mommy Mip Mop.” 

Why?

Because it was a bunch of moms flailing around trying to be kind of thug. 

I am not good. 

At all.

I will go every single Wednesday from now on because it too is fun and a great work out.

Peace, yo.

I need some suggestions.   Kids playroom.  It has been recently cleaned out and reorganized.  Looks fabulous.

I am looking for some art to put on the walls.  I’d rather not do any Subway art, I have a lot of that already through the house.  And I’d like to do more contemporary.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Here is a picture of the room:

The pics on the wall are Santa and kid pics that are only put up during the holidays and will be coming down today.  On the wall to the right is framed kid art that will be coming down as well (I’m not tossing it, I’m making a big ass scrapbook). 

I found this on etsy.  I like the colors and like that it is contemporary

It is seriously like I’m high right now.  But that is totally okay because a Holistic pharmacist recommended it.

Run, don’t walk, to your nearest health food store.

AND you can take as much as you want!!!!!!! 

I’m super stoned at work, and everyone thinks I’m just in a really good mood. 

Awesome.

This Sunday, I took Tessie Mayes to see Austin Ballet presents The Nutcracker.

We will be doing this every year.  Me and my girl.  I got her all dolled up the most precious Christmas dress, a big red bow in her hair, silver ballet flats and cream cabled tights. 

It was a dream come true, my little angel girl all decked out in the spirit of Christmas. 

A special day for us to remember and cherish.

She loved every second of it:

Thank GOD that during intermission they have a full bar and snacks for the kids.  Because the entire first half she went on and on and on about being hungry and thirsty.  Needless to say, about 20 minutes of me trying to enjoy the ballet (without being totally distracted by the tips of the male ballet dancer’s wieners, what the hell?!) Momma was ready for a glass of champagne. 

After my nerves were calmed and TM’s belly full, the second half went swimmingly. 

When the beautiful ballet was over, Tessie Mayes really wanted some photos taken with the Christmas statues outside.  Since as of late, she usually has a real asshole look on her face, I was more than happy to oblige:

I’m sorry but she is pretty cute.

Ohhhhhhh, awwwwwwwwww, the ever elusive “mom” pic:

After the ballet, we went and had dinner and then home to bed.  The ballet exhausted me. 

Why you ask? 

For real, y’all.  White tights on grown men is not okay.  You could totally see the ENTIRE outline of their wieners.  The primary male dancer?  You could clearly see the tip of his penis as plain as day.  I tried my darnedest not to focus but shit it was hard.

SO, I plan on writing a letter to all of the ballet companies in North America kindly suggesting either 1) cups, 2) stick with black pants or 3) velvet pants.

I’m not sure if velvet would work but it seems a much thicker material that might eleviated the tip of the penis flailing in everyone’s face. 

I am super curious how many little girls had A LOT of wienie questions for their moms after the show. 

Anyhoo, that was our Sunday and it was super fun.

Tootles.

P.S.  I am shocked this scanky bitch is still alive:

And whoever buys her Playboy deserves the worst case of herpies in the history of herpies.

12th Annual Ranch Weekend 2010:

13th Annual Ranch Weekend 2011:

I might be the loud one.

I’m not one to make fun of weirdos, but this takes the cake.

Please watch it and if you don’t feel super weird and uncomfortable, watch this little piece of awkward.

I’m all for keeping your legs crossed before marriage but holy hell.  No kissing?

What if he’s a shitty kisser? 

That is a total deal breaker for me.

And from the looks of it, this guy may be the grossest bird pecking kisser weirdo ever in the world.

I feel so funny and uncomfortable inside.

Well, I won’t be able to be your friend.

Why oh why does anyone GIVE A SHIT!  Ugh.  Go away.  Please.  And the way she spells her name is just white trash. 

I am so convinced that I look:

I went and had HEAVIER bangs cut yesterday.  AND I have now been doing a lot more eyeliner. 

Nobody has told me how much I look like Zooey but I think they are thinking it in their heads.

He makes me feel tingly in my bathing suit area:

But I think everyone already knew that.

The end.

Not so many funny things happen at the office.  Therefore, not a whole lot to write about. 

But a quick wrap up is necessary since I do put my blog in book form at the end of the year for the kids to read to their therapists in the future.

1) Thanksgiving was fun.  Blah, blah, blah. 

2) I bought beautiful kissing balls for the outside of my house:

I also accidentaly bought 75 feet of fresh garland.  I didn’t realize how long 75 feet really was.  Hubs isn’t too happy about it and I have a feeling my housekeeper isn’t going to be a big fan either.

3) Frisky is back in town.

He arrived Friday morning.  I screamed and acted all startled about opening the cabinet and finding an elf there.  It was quite a production. 

Two days later, on Saturday night, I had already forgotten to move him to another spot.  LUCKY FOR ME, the kids were real assholes on Saturday.  Therefore, I told them that Frisky did not go to the North Pole to give Santa a recap because he was so embarrassed by their assholish behavior. 

This kind of freaked them out a bit and they totally minded their ps and qs on Sunday.  And Momma set the alarm on the phone so that I will not forget to move Frisky again.

Unless we have another bad day.

And in our house that is bound to happen sooner than later.

4) I have officially added another person to my hate list:

Yep, Angelina Jolie is now up there on my hate list with the likes of, Jennifer Love Hewwitt, Melissa Joan Hart, Reba, and I forgot the others.  But I hate them nonetheless.

SO, that is all I have for now.  All my Christmas is done and my cards are b